Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it hurts more in the daytime
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
