Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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