Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize