I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
