if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
