WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
