I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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