We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
