After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
