Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
