i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
