dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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