Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
