i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
