$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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