she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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