Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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