They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize