oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
