Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
