actually, I'm a sock model
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
