so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
