I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
