do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
