I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
