life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
