He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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