You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
