My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
