like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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