Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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