How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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