I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize