She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
