Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
