Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
