We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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