Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
