i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize