Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize