I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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