No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
