You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
