i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
