my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize