I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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