She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
