apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
