You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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