I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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