My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
