life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
