dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
