I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
