It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
