Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
