Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
