I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
