He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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