I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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