why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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