dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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