tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
