awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
