I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
