when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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