let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
