Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
