i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
