my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
