I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
