wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
